Complexes from dislike in childhood
The ridicule of classmates about a slightly long nose, remarks about a few extra pounds, gazes in the direction of the chest, which developed faster than that of peers, often leave an imprint on our perception of ourselves. And if we lack self-confidence, often these minor flaws develop into complexes. A person begins to fixate on his disadvantage (with which he used to get along quite well) and associate many failures with him. He believes that because of thick ankles or an incorrect bite, he is not loved, and therefore ceases to love himself.
But the most serious complexes that provoke the difficulty of self-love are associated with a lack of parental love.
Psychologists agree that in most cases a complexed adult was a child who was not loved enough. Maybe because the parents themselves underestimated themselves. After all, it’s hard to find dignity in your child when you don’t love yourself. A child who was not really beautiful for his parents, was not a source of happiness, will feel «unloved» in society. He will cling to some physical defect of his own, because it is much less painful to complain about his appearance than about his story. And then — a vicious circle. For a person who does not love himself, the slightest flaw becomes of great importance. At its core, the complex is always associated with self—esteem, namely, with the high value that we attach to ourselves. It has nothing to do with who we really are. The level of self-esteem changes our objective image. And our idea of ourselves is often far from reality.
According to Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, our attitude to our image is directly related to the «ideal Self». This is the unconscious part of us that we want to be. Depending on this ideal, we love ourselves. And the higher it is, the harder it is for us to be satisfied with ourselves.
And just kind and reverent relationships in the family allow us to bring our real image closer to the «ideal». It is the love of the environment that instills in us love for ourselves and allows us to accept our shortcomings without self-abasement. According to psychologists, people who are characterized by thorough self-love have received unconditional parental love that is not associated with good behavior and successful studies at school. And above all, parents have always appreciated their individuality and did not compare them with older children.
Complexes of non-compliance with accepted standards
Man is a social being. To live fully, he needs the company of other people. However, this environment does not always favorably affect our self-esteem, constantly imposing its standards on us. For example, in the modern world there is a real obsession with appearance, which is accompanied by a whole string of complexes. And the fashion world and the media industry play an important role in their creation.
From blue screens and glossy pages, slimness is constantly promoted to us as the main sign of beauty and success. Psychologists and nutritionists are sounding the alarm. Thinness has become the standard of health and self-control. From now on, slim is always on top — it is a locomotive capable of controlling his emotions and forming an elite society of his own kind. The full one is weak, lazy and uninitiative. Thus, stereotypes are imposed on us and labels are hung. The former is credited with a huge number of positive qualities, while the latter becomes a victim of prejudice. In this case, it is difficult to love yourself, even with just a couple of extra pounds. And if there are not two, but, say, five, then the «media critics» will quickly call us to order.
Some, and without having any special surpluses, tend to constantly lose weight. It becomes a real obsession. They think that being slimmer will make them more beautiful (which is not always the case) and, above all, happier (which is unlikely). First, they get instant satisfaction by challenging themselves to get rid of 3 kg. Then comes the disappointment, as they are dissatisfied with the result. As a result, these «unfortunate» people cannot stop. They continue to starve themselves with diets and exhausting workouts in order to constantly «stay in shape.» Such a vicious practice leads either to the psychologist’s office or to a hospital bed.
Complexes from plastic idols
Some toys, such as the Barbie doll, which has been serving as a beauty standard for little girls for 50 years, have a detrimental effect on children’s self-esteem from an early age. Growing up, many of them bring themselves to anorexia, wanting to look like a famous beauty. In order to avoid serious physical and psychological problems, American feminist movements struggle to indicate a warning inscription on the packaging of the doll. Her goal is to securely consolidate in the minds of the younger generation the understanding that a real woman will never be able to possess such «unearthly forms», because they are simply incompatible with life (with a height of 1.77, her proportions are 85/46/73!). If Barbie suddenly came to life, she would have to move on all fours, and she would not be physically able to lift her head.
What to do with complexes
To get rid of complexes, psychologists recommend using substitution therapy — to compensate for shortcomings by highlighting their strengths. To get started, try:
Get creative. As we found out, complexes are a consequence of a lack of self—esteem, which has its roots in our childhood. To get rid of this destructive feeling and get out of the vicious circle, try yourself in a new field. Master painting, pottery, or take up cooking. Your new successes and man-made masterpieces will help you regain respect for yourself.
To help others. Are your complexes poisoning your life? Stop looking at the world through the keyhole. Do charity work: help orphanages, disabled people, animal shelters. By providing support to those in need, you will feel useful and begin to be proud of yourself.
Lower the bar. You will have to accept the fact that you will never appear on the cover of a fashion magazine. Is it so tragic? After all, this does not prevent you from having a beloved man, loyal friends, children, an interesting job. Lower the bar. Ask your loved ones what they like most about you and make a list of your strengths. You risk learning a lot of good things about yourself.
Create a complete image. Stop obsessing over some part of your body, and look at yourself as a whole. Evaluate your greatest strengths and let them overshadow all imperfections.
Sort out the problem. Are you used to associating your failures with complexes? Face the truth. And you will realize that you failed the driving test not because of your lop-eared, but because of the «interference on the right» that you did not notice.
Take care of yourself. If you are complimented on your appearance, adopt the image that did not go unnoticed. You will immediately feel more confident in clothes that you and others like. Change your hairstyle, do makeup regularly, keep your back straight. In this form, you can roll mountains.