How to go to a war: what to do if a child feels bad in kindergarten

Probably, almost all parents have faced conflict situations on playgrounds. It happens that children push, throw sand, can’t share toys or swings. But if a child is under your supervision on the playground, and you can stop this conflict at any moment, then what about those situations that you cannot constantly observe and control? We are talking, of course, about the child’s stay in kindergarten. How to make your baby’s stay in it as comfortable as possible for everyone?

To answer this question, clinical and family psychologist Jane gave examples of the most common conflict situations and suggested solutions to them.

1. A child — brawler
Aggressive behavior can be expressed in the fact that the child fights with other children: pushes, bites, takes away toys, throws them or breaks them on purpose.

What to do:
Aggressive behavior in preschool children is most often associated with the psychological climate in the family. Most likely, there is aggressive behavior in the family towards the child or between adult family members. Therefore, it is very important for everyone, even those living separately, but regularly communicating with the child, to exclude from their behavior any aggressive manifestations, including verbal aggression, to demonstrate a model of benevolent behavior to the child every day.

When aggression manifests, it is necessary to say that it is impossible to do this, to offer other behaviors. To give an opportunity to constructively vent aggression: beat the pillow, knock on the drum. Always pay attention to the good deeds and good behavior of the child, emphasize it, praise it. Just in case, go to a neurologist to rule out a possible physiological cause of childhood aggression.

How to go to a war: what to do if a child feels bad in kindergarten

2. The quiet child
The child cannot stand up for himself, does not know how to defend himself. When they beat him, he suffers or cries. There may be bruises, bites, scratches on the skin.

What to do:
Be sure to discuss this issue with a teacher, an assistant teacher, a social pedagogue or a kindergarten psychologist. Ask to pay special attention to conflicts in which your child is offended. In any case, do not try to intimidate his abusers — this is a matter to be solved only with adults. When talking to the parents of children who offend your child, try to be polite without getting personal. It is unlikely that they deliberately set up their child against yours. Remember that the purpose of the conversation is to resolve a conflict situation related to children, and not to quarrel with other parents.

Explain to the child about the need to loudly call for help from the teacher if he cannot cope with the situation himself. It will also be useful to develop sociability in the baby: try to make friends with the parents of those children that he likes; invite children from the group home; in the evening, taking the child, give him the opportunity to play a little with friends near the garden. Sports and theater clubs are welcome.

3. Adult abusers
It happens that aggressive actions come from educators and their assistants. These actions can cause emotional trauma to your child and stop them — this is a parental responsibility. Adult aggression includes insults, assault, force—feeding, acts degrading the dignity of a child and actions harmful to health – for example, to send for a walk in wet tights described.

What to do:
Distinguish all of the above from regulatory penalties in relation to the child. For example, putting a child in a corner on a high chair for 15-20 minutes is a penalty, not aggression. A conversation with the person who offended your child is absolutely necessary. Do not expect that the situation will resolve itself, do not go on about the horror stories «I will say something, and then my child will be treated even worse», do not delay the conversation with the aggressor.

Remember that you are his parent and there is no one else to protect the child, moreover, protecting the child is your parental duty. If necessary, write a written complaint to the head of the kindergarten. In the complaint, indicate that in the absence of measures taken, you will apply to higher authorities. When protecting a child, be persistent, but correct. If the situation requires a transfer to another group or another kindergarten, it is better to do it than not to do it.

How to go to a war: what to do if a child feels bad in kindergarten

4. Unwillingness to go to the garden
A child may not want to go to kindergarten for various reasons and his behavior cannot be attributed to whims, ignore this reluctance or even swear at the child.

What to do:
I will clarify right away that we are not talking about the initial adaptation to kindergarten, but about those cases when a child went to kindergarten and suddenly there was a sharp reluctance to go there. In such cases, it is necessary to ask the child in a calm, friendly tone how things are going in the garden. Whether there was a conflict with other children (perhaps someone offended him, or, on the contrary, he offended someone and was intimidated by the parent of the offended child), separately ask about the attitude of the educator and his assistant to the child. What to do in case of conflicts is described above.

If it is possible to leave the child at home, then leave it, do not insist on a mandatory visit to the garden on this day. If it is not possible to leave the child at home, then when you come to the garden, you can warn the teacher that he is upset about something today and ask for participation, if necessary. Remember that the baby could not get enough sleep, he could have had a terrible dream that he could not clearly tell, react to the weather, be at the initial stage of SARS, and just get tired of the garden, finally.

Treat his condition with understanding. Don’t blame him for not wanting to go to the garden. Say that you are very sorry that you can’t leave him at home today, give him some little thing with you that will symbolize mom’s love, or, for example, cut out a heart from paper and put it in his pocket. Try to pick him up from the garden earlier.

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